Choosing faith over fear

When people learn that I'm from McKinney they always ask, why Texarkana? The only one I can give credit to is, God; because I truly believe it was a God-ordained move. I began praying specifically and fervently about my future job in January of 2016. I specifically prayed over Ephesians 3:20 which says, 
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." 
I prayed God would open and close doors where He saw fit. This was hard to pray but I wanted him to lead me and I knew He would provide. But being human, I also selfishly prayed He would lead me back to McKinney. My place of comfort. My home.  

Going back to the fall semester of 2015, I was struggling with my certification test for Arkansas. I've always had test anxiety and I really felt the pressure that semester. I had one test left to pass and it was the math test. Without passing this test, I wasn't going to be able to student teach in the spring. I was overwhelmed and stressed. One night, while I was doing my nightly devotion I was reminded me that God had never brought me to a place and left me. He had always followed through because it's not in His character to leave. The reason I bring up this semester is because I refused to believe God would bring me through that season only for me to not teach. He had called me to be a teacher years before and I had to do my part and trust Him.

Fast forward to April of 2016. I had gone to a job fair with Texarkana ISD. During the interview process, I felt at peace about the district but when they offered me a job, I was filled with so much anxiety and doubt. At the time, I was worried I might not be offered another job but I also didn't want to take a job that wasn't right for me. So I turned down the offer. That very same week, God opened an unexpected door in McKinney. I was ecstatic. But God closed that door as fast as it was opened. I was discouraged. That next month, I graduated college and had interviews that I thought would pan out. But one by one, God again, closed those doors. I was upset and broken. But I also knew God had been answering my prayer by closing those doors.

In June, God sent me a curve-ball. He opened a door at a middle school. (insert me being shocked) I remember getting the call and trying to figure out what just happened. I hadn't applied for the position and to be quite honest; I was a little surprised. Surprised because I had already turned down an offer with the school district. I was in the middle of interviews with another school district but figured an interview wouldn't hurt anything. Hesitant as I was, I scheduled the interview and a couple days later left for church camp.

The morning of the interview, I remember calling my mom and telling her that I didn't want to drive to Texarkana. Coming back from camp, I was exhausted and getting sick. But she encouraged me to go and so I drove the two and a half hours to Texarkana. Before the interview, I met my friend for lunch and as I was getting out of the car; I received an email. God had closed another door. This email let me know that I was no longer in the interviewing process for a school back home. I was crushed. I reminded myself of Ephesians 3:20 and prayed my way to the interview. During the interview at the middle school, I felt such a peace. I had the same feeling 4 years ago when I visited Ouachita. When they called asking if I would accept the job and be willing to move to Texarkana, I had no doubts and said yes. 

So here I am 8 months later and I can honestly say that this move has been the most rewarding. No, it hasn't been the easiest transition being away from my family but God provided another type of family for me. Every little detail fell into place and I'm so glad that I let my faith be bigger than my fears. It would have been so easy to live at home and find a different job but then I would have missed out on God's blessings. When I tell people that I teach 7th grade math they always give me a horrified look and say, "Wow, you're so brave." But this truly is the job of my dreams. If I had stuck to my plan, I would have missed out big time. To those of you reading this post, I encourage you to follow where God is leading you. It's scary and at times crazy but God has your best interest at heart. 

Teaching for Him

In just 4 short weeks I will become a college graduate...I have LOVED the last 4 years at OBU and it's such a bittersweet feeling having to leave the place where I made so many long-lasting friendships. OBU is my home-away from home. The place where God opened and closed so many doors. I remember being a freshman and being scared to leave my hometown. But I'm so thankful I listened to God's prompting because if not, I would have never experienced the many blessings He had in store.

As some of you know, I have been student teaching this semester. The first half of the semester I was with 2nd grade and I learned so much from those precious kiddos. They showed me how to love with an intentional heart. That first rotation was where God reaffirmed His calling in my life to become a teacher. He reminded me that those kiddos need Jesus too. Hearing some of their stories, broke my heart. Here are 7-8 year old boys and girls struggling with a home life that they cannot control. I realized that a simple hug or fist bump would bring the biggest smile to their little faces.

For the second rotation of student teaching, I was placed in a 6th grade math class. Let me just tell you that as a student, I struggled with math. I remember studying my butt off to make an A on a test. I would spend countless hours doing my pre-cal homework and more times then I care to admit, I would call my teacher for help. So when I was placed in a 6th grade MATH class I was nervous and excited. If you would have asked me 3 years ago my dream grade, I would have told you 1st or 2nd grade. Never in a million years would I have said 6th grade. But God has a funny sense of humor.

My first week in 6th grade, I knew I was called to teach the middle school grades. Call me crazy but I have enjoyed teaching math to rambunctious 12 year olds. In just the last couple of weeks they have taught me how to be patient and show grace. If you know middle schoolers, you know patience and grace are hard to have. They push your buttons and know exactly what they are doing but will deny ever doing anything wrong. But I'm reminded of the home they may go to at the end of the day and that's what motivates me to be a better teacher for them. I'm reminded that in their messy lives, I need to give grace even when it's hard because that's what Jesus does for me.   

Being in the classroom this semester has opened my eyes in new ways. Recently, I have seen how God is using my past difficulties and trials to relate to these students. All these kids need is someone to walk with and encourage them. I remember the day when I found out my dad was going to jail. My life was turned upside down because of someone else's mistakes. I didn't understand why it had to be my family. But I've come to realize that God has given me the opportunity to relate to students in a way most people cannot. God has allowed me a unique testimony and all I want to do is point others to Him through what He is doing in my life. I am so thankful God has called me into a profession where I can give back to Him not only by teaching future leaders but having the privilege to love on these kids in the most difficult of days.  

Change in Seasons

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1

April is in full swing and with April comes rain. Here in Arkansas it rains all.the.time. It doesn't just rain for a couple hours but for a few days. The verse in Ecclesiastes reminds me that change happens in every season. I am currently in the transitioning season of life.

Back in March I slipped on ice walking to the library and fractured my wrist. This was a HUGE transition for me because it just so happened to be the wrist I write with. Not being able to use my dominant hand for lifting, pushing, pulling or any daily activity has been a really big struggle. If you know me at all, you know that I am independent. Having fractured my wrist has showed me that it is okay to be dependent on other people. If you ask my roommates or my family, they have had to help me with the smallest of tasks. Opening water bottles, lifting a suitcase, tying my shoelaces, and much more. I live a fast paced life and as much as I would have liked to not be wearing a brace right now, I realized God is showing me that it's okay to slow down and not be so independent. There are times I am frustrated and upset because of this brace but again God is showing me in a new way to be dependent on Him. I won't be in this brace for long but while I am in this season, I need to rely on Him.

We all are in some type of transition. Whether in high school, college, or in our careers. We don't stay in one place for very long. Each chapter of life comes with new responsibilities, new friends, new relationships, ect. The beauty of Ecclesiastes 3:1 is that this season of life won't last long. Embrace it while you can and trust God with this season of life.

Child of the King

This past week the chapel speaker talked about his ministry and how he helps children from gangs, drugs, and those whose parents are in jail. The part that stood out to me the most was the statistic that 70% of the children whose parents are incarcerated end up in jail. Seventy percent.

My brother Brandon and I are in this category. This topic hit home for me because 4 years ago tomorrow, my dad was arrested and has been in jail ever since. He took someone's life and affected the lives of many. I'm not writing this to ask for pity but to tell of God's great love and plan for me far beyond what I deserve.

I am a child of an incarcerated parent. I am a child of a divorced family. But more importantly, I am a child of the one True King. This week I have reflected on the past four years of my life. How one decision changed my future and how God rescued me from myself. See 4 years ago, I was hurt and bitter towards God. I didn't understand why God allowed this to happen to my family. My mom had gone through a nasty divorce and Brandon and I grew up in an abusive home. I've had my share of memories and heartache. Why would He allow me to suffer again?

It wasn't until a year later at Freedom Weekend, that God brought me to my knees and reminded me that this life isn't about myself. Romans 8:18 says, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us."

God could have taken this heartache away from me but instead He allowed it to happen for a reason. I still don’t fully understand why He has allowed it to happen but I know that this situation will bring glory to God if I allow Him to use me.

This entire passage of Romans points us to the future glory that is waiting for us. The struggle with having a dad in jail is only a small part of the life Christ has for me. The struggle of not having my dad around for my college graduation, wedding, and for my future family is the incredibly difficult and is a burden I bear every day. But I know that this present suffering is for a reason.

Romans 8:26 says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." This was me. I didn't have the words to pray and I sure didn't know what to pray for. But I find comfort in Christ alone. 

Fast forward four years and I am a Junior at Ouachita Baptist University. I am going to beat that statistic. Instead of letting this category define my life, I choose to trust in the Creator of the world because He knows my struggles and He has a bigger plan for me. I may be a child whose parent is incarcerated but I am a child of God.